Love of My Life

Right now, I feel so very loved by my boyfriend Jake. On Friday, I got a package from him. It contained a camera, a book, and a CD he made for me. I immediately popped it in the CD player and sat and listened. The first song was an instrumental, and about thirty seconds in he started talking to me. The first time he scared the crap out of me! Then I listened to him. Oh, he was so sweet! I had tears in my eyes at the end, and felt like I should give him a huge hug. as it was I thanked him profusely for the wonderful gift. I love him so much, its hard to even voice it sometimes. And I have a feeling that I will be spending the rest of my life with him....I sure hope so. I love you, Jake.

The Count Down

Wow, so many count downs. 19 days till school starts. 57 days until I see Jake. And today was his first day of school. Lovely, eh?

Lets see all the changes. Hmm....Well, just about an hour ago I changed my hair color. XD I made it darker. I remember that once Jake told me that he liked my hair that way......I also started making preparations for school. Haven't gotten my school supplies yet but I'm planning on getting them some time this week. Which means either tomorrow or Friday.

I also just finished the Twilight Saga. Suprizingly, it was very good. I'm not going to say too much about it because I know a few people who whould bite my head off before they got to read Breaking Dawn, but I can relate to Bella quite a bit. I mean, she's clumsy. She tries to keep good grades, but cant seem to get the hang of it. She doesnt think she's pretty, but yet she's attracted the most beautiful man in school. How lucky can you really get? She loves Edward with her whole heart and soul, and he loves her back. Thats how I feel about Jake. He means the world to me. Admittedly, I don't think that he sparkles (though when he gets out of the shower his hair is pretty shiny XD) nor am I dependant on him for anything (as proven before) but I do feel very strongly about him. He means the world to me. I love him, and I never want to let him go. But I will, if he wants me to. I wont put him through something he doesn't like. I hate seeing him in pain.

Thats the other thing I wanted to write about. Him. My Jake. He's been having doubts again, and that worries me. Though he tells me that it is not like that, that he wont make the same stupid mistake, and yet we still talk about what would happen if we broke up 'for awhile'. That is something that I dread. I seriously hope that he can hold on for just one more year. Then it wont matter. We'll both go to college, together.

I don't think I've ever talked about what I want to go to college for. I want to be a Psychiatrist, with a major in Journalism and Literature. My dream is to some day be able to help others with problems similar to mine. And to write books about my life, as well as Romance novels. Locally (if I'm still in Wisconsin) I want to go to UW Stout. My other choices are Chicago, Mississippi, and Kansas City. Though, I'll follow where ever Jake goes. Because I plan to basically re-take my high school credits, just to prove to any perspective college that I can do it. I can succeed.

Poetry

First written Aug. 22, 2007

You were always there for me,

even when I couldn't see you

I felt you.

I've loved you since the moment I met you

In another world

But now we are appart

and I cry for you every day

but at night,

I see you in my dreams

And i know that Someday,

Someday,

we will be together gain.

For my long lost Love,

Hopefully,

We will walk hand in hand,

Once again.

 

Written in dedication to my first lifemate, Salaron.

Blarg: Episode 6

Well, my dedicated readers, let me first apologize. I am so sorry that I have not been able to write for the past MONTH now, and I promise it wont happen again. Things have been very complicated-not to mention hectic- and hopefully my life has calmed down somewhat.

Now, where to start? Hmm....well my grandmother has been doing ok. She is on oxygen almost 24 hours a day now, and I am really starting to worry. Its because Mike is smoking in the house! We all know it. But trying to enforce rules on that child is like trying to move a brick house with a tricycle. It aint gonna happen! We are hoping that when he goes to this school he gets the help he needs. He is supposed to be going to a special school in Eau Clare or Chippawa. What it is is a school in the morning, with classes and such, and then counceling in the afternoon. Hopefully we can also get him to bard there during the week, because lordy does he need it. He needs dicipline, badly. I dont know what else to say about that. I mean we're all scared shitless of him. He's so much bigger than us...But he's not taking care of himself. He has diabeties. And of course, he wont take his blood sugar when he should. Nor will he eat like he should. Or even get the proper sleep as he should! What are we suposed to do? Just sit by and let him die? He's my little brother. I will not let that happen.

Aaanywhoo, What else? Oh, yes. Jake and I  are doing wounderful. All though, we do miss eachother more and more each day. It hurts not being with him, and sometimes I feel like there is no hope for us. But then I talk to him. Hear his voice. And it helps me get though another day without him in my arms. I love him more than anything else in the whole world. And some day, I hope to be with him forever.

Used, Abused, and Abandoned

All right, here's the deal. My best friend Lizz lives 45 miles away in Marshfield, so we dont get to se eachother that often. Her friend Heather has just got her licence, so she's been taking Lizz to see me. But the only problem is that Heather is asking for money when she comes. The first time, she asked for $40. The second time she asked for $30. Now she wants $20. I dont know what to do, because I want to see Lizz. But we dont have the money to be spending. We're barely getting by. Even Lizz thinks its rediculous but what can she do? Its the only way she can come and see me. *sigh* i dont know what to do. I'm so frustrated right now I could just scream.

Bullshit...

All right this is bullshit. I just got done renting movies from the local gas station, right? Simple enough task. And I guess that there was a late fee, ok thats fine. So we went there to try to find out what was going on. My grandma paied almost fifty dollars, when the movie itself cost ten. Then the lady went on to BITCH about how they couldnt get a hold of us, they were just going to call the cops but they couldnt because they couldnt find the number, blah blah blah. I apologized, and gave them my number and driverslicence and stuff. But she wasnt done. She stood there, for about a half hour, bitching at me for not returning a movie that I DIDNT EVEN RENT. Explain that one to me?

And I Saw Him...

I cant believe it....I actually got to see him....I was in his arms...for four days....my gosh....

From Thursday, July 3 to Sunday, July 6th I was in Iowa, visiting my boyfriend Jake.  I got up at 5 AM and left at 5:45 AM. I traveled until 11:25 AM, when I finally arrived in Mason City, Iowa. I remember getting off the bus and getting my stuff, moving them to the sidewalk. I had seen a glimpse of him through the window, and my heart did a flip in my chest and landed in my belly where it thudded loudly. Then, I saw him coming around the side of the bus, and he broke into a jog. I ran to meet him, and we hugged each other tightly, whispering how much we missed each other. We drove for hours, getting lost twice. He held my hand the entire time and I loved it.

Finally when we got to his grandparent's place, I was greeted in a flurry of hugs, handshakes, and sodas. He carried my stuff upstairs and showed me where I would sleep, then we went downstairs and had sandwiches. His grandparents had to go somewhere, so we were left alone for a few hours, and we went to go eat at a pizza place. Too bad I was allergic to the pizza XD.

Overall, I had the best time of my life. Four wonderful days in his arms. The hardest thing I ever had to do was get on that bus and watch him drive away. I miss him so much. I love him so much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. If he'll have me.