YAWN

*Note: By reading the word 'yawn' 95% of you will yawn. Now, you'll yawn 4 times. Arnt I just evil? :D*

Its been a tiring, dreary, I-didnt-want-out-of-bed kind of week. Actually, its been that kind of month. But hopefully, with the start of March, things will start to look up. And, again, I hope, with the start of March I'll have my craft blog up complete with pictures, patterns, and recipies. Spirit, the maker of this blog as well, has been persistantly working on a craft blog for me even though I told her not to. But, of course, she is. Which I think is ok because this blog is kinda younger generationish and I dont want my C'ville buddies getting the wrong impression of me. I like this style, a lot, but still. With the flashy colors and stuff its kinda hard to read sometimes, even for me. But I still love it. So yeah, anyway, I'll probably be doing a lot of posting tomorrow. Night, everyone.

Ice Ice Baby.....

Yes, I know its a dragon, but it was the only immage on photobucket that didnt include half naked black people flaunting their 'ice'. *rolls eyes* Anyway, Its really icey outside, to the point where the school has delayed opening for 2 hours. Yey me! Only, now I'm awake. Not so yey. But oh well. I know they'll close. They never just do a 2 hour delay. They always close.

Baby, its Cold Outside......

The weather has been really nippy as of late. At first it was nice yesterday (delayed post) but then it got fridged! i was sitting by my computer with 2 sweatshirts, 2 pairs of socks, long underwear, and sweat pants, and i was still freezing! Whats up with that?

School Sucks

All right, I know I screwed up. Yes, I should have gone back to school like a good little girl. I know. But seriously? Expel me because I didnt go to school? What gives?

Today I went to school for the first time in 2 weeks. The teachers were not happy. It was like walking into a graveyard at midnight every single hour. It sucked. But during my 7th hour Odessyware class (where I get to do my online courses during school time) I was cornered by Mrs. Hein and Mrs. Nickelson. They told me that they were 'concerned about the situation and how your absence impacts other students in your classes' and how 'you not coming to school is not my business but when you influence the teachers it becomes my business' both quotes by Mrs. Nickelson. They told me that if I miss any more days of school I will be turminated. Then, after the 'meeting' I went to the bathroom and called my counceler and told her about it. She wants me to get all the days I've missed so far this past year and get the ones I can excused. What good will that do? They'll just come up with some other excuse to kick me out. Its like they WANT me to fail. And frankly, I'm really sick of it. I dont feel like putting up with this bullcrap anymore. But I know I have to graduate. After I came out of the bathroom Mrs. Hein wanted me to talk about 'personal issues' and how they're impacting my school. I told her as much as I could without telling her everything, basically dodging around the subjects she presented with 'I don't know's and 'we'll see's. She didnt buy it but the bell rang before she could get me into her inner office. I like having that time in her outer office during 7th hour because then I have some time to just chill for awhile while doing my online school work.

I asked Jake for help, but we ended up talking the whole time. Mostly dodging subjects that are for serious relationships and talking about whats happened for the past few weeks. Gosh was it really only the 15th that we broke up? It seems like longer. But amazingly, I dont mind. It bugs me to a point, but I'm not a heap of nothingness. I dont break down when I see his picture in my locker or binder, I dont go all sniffly when talking about him. I'm pretty proud of myself for that fact. Because that means that I really CAN live without him. And thats a good thing.

In crochet news, they blocked the 'ville at school. Which is probably a good thing since i spent too much time on there. But I mean seriously, Crochetville? Its a bunch of gals (and a few guys) that all CROCHET. Whats so bad about that? Oh yes, 'I shall stab you with my hook my pretty, and make your dog into a new scarf, ehehehehe'. Ok, little wizard of oz joke there but you get my meaning. But I guess its for the best. I need to figure out a way to get all my school stuff done first before I crochet. I've actually had grandma hide most of my hooks! I have like 2 that are still out because they have projects stuck to them, but still! Thats pretty serious.

Well, just wanted to rant for a bit. Oh, and by the way, that little Calorie Counter thing to the right is not working properly for anyone who looks at it. I have to figure out the settings and such but when I do I'll post about it. Night everyone.

Sticky Buns!

I'm making Sticky Buns! Yey! The really big kind, and why am I making sticky buns? Because I want to surprise grandma. I'm not really mad today, I'm actually in a pretty decent mood. I got a good sleep, I finished my gloves last night, even though I still have to figure out how to do the embelishments. When I'm done with proofing the pattern, I'm going to post it and my other two patterns as free on here. Hopefully that will help improve trafic to my blog, even though its not primarily crochet. I do crochet a lot though. More than I should, actually. Which is why I promised myself I will not pick up a hook until I have my homework done, and believe me I have a lot of homework to do. Its already almost noon and I still have to write up four essays. *sigh* Why do I have to disect a perfectly good book in a way that makes me want to hurl? Its already a difficult read but then when I have to get all these differnt quotes and explain them, write an essay about the chapters, and do something for a group discussion? What is up with that? Mrs. Campbell should really back off the books and focus more on the essays. Well, thats my opinion. Or at least do something different I mean I like Mrs. Campbell as a teacher but she just....I dont know. The way she teaches is the way she would teach back twelve years ago. We need more of a stimulation or at LEAST more interesting books.

Well, its 11:30 so I should get going. I'm going to be posting again later.

At Least...

EDIT:This was posted while I was very upset with my situation here at home. I was waiting for my grandmother to call me so that I could go and get cigarettes for my younger brother. My home situation is very difficult, and I used to rely on Jake to be my source of strength. But that is not how it works now. I have to be my own source of strength from now on, because I realize that Jake will not always be there, even if he decides to come back to me. I will not be deleting this post because I feel that this is what I was feeling at the time. But I am puting this edit in because I feel that I came off wrong when I posted this. Again, I was very upset. Jake, I know you care. I know that. It just feels like you don't sometimes. But just remember that I know you care. I still love you, and I still want you to come back to me.
Well, its official. Jake doesn't care for me anymore. I sent him an email a few days ago telling him that we should 'break up' break up instead of just be on a break. I was hoping to get some sort of a response, at least an email saying 'OK' or SOMETHING. But I dont think its going to happen. And I dont think he's going to come back either. Its probably a relief to him to be without me looming over his shoulder 24/7. But that doesn't help the fact that I miss him something awful. :( I wish I could have him back, and I hope that there's a chance for me to find someone half as loving as he was.

Sorry. Just needed to vent a bit. I'll post more tomorow.

As you may be able to tell from the picture, I AM NOT HAPPY. Things have been going wrong left and right today and now, I'm pretty much SCREWED for the next WEEK. Why? My tooth fell appart. How? I dont know.

Yesterday was my birthday, and it flipping SUCKED. Nothing went right. I had to go buy cigarettes for my 15 year old brother. Happy 18th birthday.

Then, my mouth has been KILLING me. Like HORRIBLE pain. They took out my wisdom teeth on Wednesday and according to the helpful brocure they had to chop up my gums in order to get at them. Thats what loosesed the cap on my back tooth and thats why i'm now spitting blood every five seconds and the back of my mouth feels like someone went through there with a chain saw. No pain though. Like thats a plus.

And now, its Sunday, and I no longer have a boyfriend. Why? Because he decided he needed a break to 'figure out' if I'm what he wants or not. He's 'not ready for such a committed relationship' and all that bullshit that men sprout when they want to put you on the side. And you know me, I fell for it. So now I'm scowering my room for any reminder of him and stuffing it into a box to stuff in the back of my closet. 'Oh, it wont be forever hun.' Bull shit. He's going to find someone prettier, smarter, funnier, sexier, whatever and decide that i'm just nothing and toss me away. Then when SHE burns HIM he's gonna be all like 'well fuck now what' and come back to me. And I, being the stupid gullable little girl I am, will of course welcome him back with open arms. This is fucking bullshit. I'm NOT in the mood for all this shit. I HATE all this shit and I HATE feeling like this. I just want to blow somehting up right now.

Happy Birthday To Me...yeah right

Today is my 18th birthday. Whoope. I woke up with severe pain in my mouth from having my wisdom teeth remeoved on Wednesday and tomorrow Jake will no longer be my boyfriend. To top it all off, its Valentines Day. See, thats why I hate my birthday. I always get giped in some way or another. And now the one person that means the world to me is no longer going to be there for me because he has to be stupid and 'need space'. I just wish that it didnt have to be right now because...well, maybe it is better if it were now. I honestly dont want him to leave at all, but I understand his need. I just love him so much. I'm going to miss him something terrable, and I won't even be able to talk to him for a month. Of course thats my planing, but still.

Wisdom Teeth

Well, the next few days are going to be hell. I have my wisdom teeth out in the morning so i'm going to not even be able to crochet for the next few days (cries) but at least I'll be able to get some sleep and relax for awhile. I really need to do that more often. After the 15th, I'll be posting a lot more, because I wont have Jake to talk to anymore. *sigh* Really dont want to think about it now, but meh.

I Love You, My Jake....

Today I had been having a rather crappy day. I could not take a test to make up the day before, I was late to almost every class, you know the usual high school hell. I was in my 7th Hour class at around 2:15 when my pocket vibrated. It was Jake. He said that I should be recieving a package pretty soon. That immediately lifted my spirits. I couldnt wait to get home, to see what I had waiting for me. The FedEx people and the Ups people usually go to the frount door, which we dont use. So when I opened it, there it was. I grabbed it and immediately went inside, using a pen to tear the tape. Jake had ordered CUSTOM MnMs for me! And, It came with this cute little teddy bear! I almost dont want to open any of them, they're so pretty packaged :D Thank you, my love. Thank you for always knowing when to brighten my day.

Thank You Shannon!

Today I got my 2nd RAOK ever! I just got home from school because I had an appointment this afternoon, and there was this BIG envelope sitting on the washing machine. I thought it may be from my boyfriend Jake, but when I shook it, it jingled :S I opened it and look at all the goodies that I found! There is a beautiful handmade scarf that I and wrap around my neck twice, some cat toys, flavored hot chocolate, and a crocheted bookmark!










Kira was going NUTS by the time I got out the cat toys. She couldnt wait long enough for me to cut them out of the packaging! She ended up strewing all of them all over the living room. then she turned around and played with the packaging! XD silly kitty.












Anyway, I just wanted to post this quick before I go to my appointment. Thank you so very much Shannon! This really made my day :D

February Blues...or is it Reds?

Its February. Valentines month. Also, as of the 4th, 1 year since dating Jake. On the 14th, I'll be 18. But none of this matters. Why? Because love sucks.

Well, I should probably talk about everything else before I get into it with the whole Jake thing...

I was gonna blog more but that didnt happen because things just got out of hand to the point where I just, well, forgot. I have a new cat, I found her on the 23 of January. I have decided to name her Grace. She's all gray with white paws and nose and white on her belly. She's also pregnant. We aren't sure when shes going to deliver but hopefully not too soon.

The second quarter of school started and I found out that I failed Choir, American Government, and Senior Literature and Composition. I talked to Mrs. Hein, the guidance counceler, and I can make up the credit on a program called Odesyware. Right now I'm in the middle of English which i have to have done pretty soon actually. After that I'm not sure what subject I can take on Odesyware that will make up for my Choir, which is an independant. I thought that I had failed Consumer Econ too, but Mrs. Ogle is awesome and let me slide by getting my packet in. I wish I could have been that lucky with English. But, I think this semester is going to go differently. I'm THIS close to failing. I dont want to fail, not now. I'm so close, I'd dissapoint so many different people.

The courses I'm taking now are Senior Literature and Composition (its a year long class) American Government (also, a year long) Choir ( I wanted to get out of it but, oh well. Maybe I'll get to see wicked :-D) Art, Psychology, Working With Young Children, and Anatomy and Phiseology. Huh, suprisingly I spelled 'phiseology' right, it wasnt underlined :). I am hoping to post my grades up here and maybe get feedback, encouragment, and help. Currently I am passing everything, but its the beginning of the semester.

I've been sick for the past few days, stomach virus. And today I found out that you CAN NOT take your medications with Orange Juice. At least without eating. My stomach hurt like hell I thought I was going to die. But when I got home and ate, things were hunky dorey again. So, lesson learned. I had a dentist appointment today and found out that I dont brush my teeth. I coulda told you that one, but meh. So I got this nasty carmel colored crap on my teeth that I cant get rid of until tomorrow morning. Bummer :(.

I have also decided, again, that I'm going to give this whole Diet thing a shot. Well maybe not a 'diet' exactly, more like a healthier way to eat. I just got done reading a very VERY good book called The Earth, My Butt, and other BIG, Round Things. Its about a girl named Verginia that lives with the steriotypical 'perfect' family. Skinny mom, skinny dad, skinny jock brother, skinny cheerleader sister, and, well, her. Through out the novel you follow her as she descovers the 'crash diet' plan, Froggy the Fourth, and hair dye. Its an awesome book and I would reccomend it to anyone looking for an inspirational read.

Anyway, I'm planning on recording my daily food intake and posting it on the blog. Along with that I am going to calculate calories, and the make adjustments. I have a membership at the local gym so I think its aobut time I started using it. More to come, on that subject at least.

No use putting it off anymore....

Jake and I have been having some issues. Again. Well, not really. See his parents really dont like me very much at all and are continuously trying to find ways to split us up. On top of that, he's ben haing doubts. Dubts about if he's ready for such a serious relationship, mostly. So, after thinking it over (many, many many sleepless nights behind and ahead of me I'm afraid) I came up with a solution that we could both dealwith. I want him for my birthday. I want to have him as my boyfriend for Valentines day, and damn the conciquences. After that, on the 15th to be precise, we're going to 'technically' break up for the next three months. I am going to give him to the end of May to decide if he wants to either A: come back to me or B: go his own way. Either way, in the frount of my mind it is going to be treated like he's not coming back. Its just easier for my heart that way.

This time is not only for his benifit. Admitedly, I came up with this plan so that I wouldnt lose him forever. Because last time he had doubts and I took him back, I promised him (and myself) that I would NOT go though another yo-yo breakup. This was his LAST chance. This way, I'm not breaking any promises. Its a break. Just, on the outside, it'll look like a breakup. Anyway, I need this too because this way I can do all the things that I have neglected to do. Well not really neglected, just, put aside. Like bloging. So, yeah. I can get more centered on myself and not have every waking moment-and sometimes, my dreaming self- with his name on my mind. Admitedly, it probably will be for the first month at least. I have put certain rules in place that restrict our contact to a strict friendly minimum, wich will kill the both of us for awhile. But it needs to be done. ( Godess, I hate being right. )

On a lighter note, I am crocheting like a madwoman. I am currently in the process of an 'Anti Valentines' bag. Its gonna be SAWEET. I dont feel like making a million different blogs for things, so I'm going to put everything on here. So, crochetville girls, sorry, you're gonna have to weed through my rants and rambles to see the patterns and pictures. Again, Sorry ladies!

Thats about it for the moment. I should probably get back to my homework, I just felt that if I didnt write now it would be another month or two until I did get a blog post in. See ya'll later!