Blarg.....

Gah, i can never get anything to work like its supposed to. I'm sitting at school and I had e-mailed some stuff to myself and of course, the e-mail isn't working. *grumble grumble* so now I have to sit here like a freaking dumb ass and go 'uh, der de der!!' until our resident techy can fix the problem. Today's the end of the quarter (which is good because that means i only have half a semester of school left) and i have like a ton of stuff i have to get in. Math homework being only one of my problems.

But I'm kinda excited. The plans for prom have been confirmed, and Jake is definitely coming up to see me. Spirit is also planning on a trip up here, and I'm very happy about that. I really cant wait, but I'm having some doubts....

What if Jake doesn't like me like he thinks he will? What if things don't go right? What if he's only after me for sex? I've had THAT happen one too many times. He has been trying to tell me that everything will be fine but.... I'm still worried. I mean, we've been only dating for like TWO months and already we're in total and complete love. I've never ever felt this way about anyone else before. And I'm scared because I don't want to get hurt.

Plus the little brother from hell is not cooperating. He wont go to school, at all. He keeps promising that he'll go and then he never does. He's bigger than me, and grandma. We can't handle him. What are we supposed to do? Patrick already said he doesn't want to have anything to do with us. He wont even talk to me. How am I supposed to help the family if the family won't help me? Plus, because of a little *ahem* hospital visit the weekend before easter, I have to go to court. Here's what happened.

The night before my little brother and a few of his friends had a 'land party'. You know, with the computers and stuff? Well they ate everything and drank all the soda. And kept everyone up all night long. So, when I woke up I obviously wasn't in a very good mood. Grandma wanted me to go shopping with her so I could help her with the groceries so i did. We got home and my ankle was bugging me to no end. So I carried in as much as I could and then called for Mike to come and help. All i got in responce was "Fuck you" "Fuck You Bitch" "Whore go away" and other nasties including the finger. That pissed me off even more so i started yelling. I threatened to unplug the computer if he didnt get his ass out there and help me. So he came charging out (now mind you, this kid is 350 pounds of muscle and fat, has about a good 6 inches on my height, and has lots of issues) and choked me. To the point where i was going to pass out. then he let go, i fell to the floor, he grabbed a phone, and ran back into his room. I couldn't breathe. i couldn't think. i could only react. and my reaction was RAWR!
I grabbed a knife out of the drawr and ran after him. he had locked the door so i started pounding on his door with the knife. I was so upset and pissed i didnt know what the hell i was doing until it was too late. He had called the police. I was in the middle of a panic attack. The cop was a dick. *sigh*

so thats my big ugly secret....i imagine i'll lose a few people over it, i know i've lost my older brother.