Random Post

THis is a random post in my new blog, Life and Times of a Stitch Witch! Random Randomness, random randomness, some tralala

Random Randomness

Well, I finally got paied today. Yey me! 1200 bucks, this month and last month's 600 boxed into one. Thank the lord on high someone must have been looking out for me, because we were running out of money. So we went to see mike, went shopping, and I came home and paied both my credit card and my cell phone. Now we have 400 bucks left. Out of a massive 1200 bucks, we have four hundred left. Lovely, eh? I dont know if i'm going to be getting next month's on time, since this month was trying to re instate everything. But hopefully everything will come in on time and i'll be able to get into a decent schedule. I've been buying a lot of 'First' magazines and magazines like that, trying to find tips on losing weight. The one thing that I fight is motivation. I just dont have the energy to do ANYTHING. There are days where Im totally energized and ready to do anything, and there are days that it takes four energy drinks and a cup of coffee to get me out of bed. I just wish there was a way to regulate these types of things, some way to get rid of the days when I feel blah and get more days when i feel like i can do anything. I know that a lot of it is up to me, but i just dont really know where to start. *sigh* some things are just to big in concept, an di dont know how to breka them down. I wish someone could help me.

At one time, this would have been true. Oh, those happy days. A Thousand Words Thursday, find the link at Cheaper Than Therapy

Lonley Day

Today was a very lonely day for me. I now realize that I'm never going to have Jake as a boyfriend again, and it really stinks, due to the fact that I care about him so much. I've tried flirting with other people, but I guess my flirt o matic is broken. I even signed back up to some of my old chat sites, but no one seems to want to talk. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering the fact that its been so long since I've tried finding someone. Right now I just want someone to talk to, laugh with, hang with. Is that so much to ask? And school is such a pain. It takes all my energy every day not to smack some of these kids, and when I get home I'm exhausted. I slept from two thirty to six today, and of course my body is telling me I'm no longer tired, but I am. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of trying to be normal, tired of trying to fit in. Tired of trying to get everything straight, and tired of being me. I know this sounds stupid. But I just want to be a normal 18 year old girl, who's supposed to be in college and having fun and making new friends. I want to be skinny, popular, and liked. I want to have a mom and a dad that actually care, that want to help me. People don't know how lucky they are. I hear complaints every day about how their parents are so evil. At least they have parents! I have grandma. I love her dearly, but she does not get what i'm going through. I miss my mom, and I want a dad. Or at least my brother to actually understand, to call, to want to be part of my life. It seems like when he graduated from high school he just left, out of our lives. I used to be so close with him and mike, but now they're people I dont even understand. I just want to fit in somewhere.

Came up with a name-Roxy

This dog has become a master of scratching and running at the same time. I just got her a collar, because in town every dog has to have a collar and tags (still working on the second part) and she despises it. She's continuously scratching, no matter what. She has come up with a game to chase the cats and she runs and scratches at the same time. Sometimes she just plops down and scraches at it, then continues running. Its rather interesting to see four cats being chased by a dog smaller than their poo (and for Midnight, my biggest cat, that is totally true!)

Things are doing all right otherwise. Today was court for Mike, and Howard appeared by phone. After an hour and a half of courtroom mumbo jumbo, the decision was that he was to stay in Badgerland as a full time patient. Which is a good thing, since he wanted it that way. In three weeks there will be another court hearing, this time to see if he can go home. I highly doubt he's going to be able to come home right away like that, but here's to hoping. then, we got the oppertunity to take him back to Eau Clare. From Neilsville. An hour and a half drive. *sigh* but we went, got dogfood, and came home. Now that stupid yipper wouldnt shut up when we dropped in because I had to go to the bathroom (breakfast of Burger King wasnt very good for the tummy) so we took her along. And she would not sit still for anyone else but me. Once we got home, all she did was follow me around for an hour before finally settling down, and going and doing her own thing. Speaking of which, I should probably go find her......... ROXY!!!!!!!!

*yawn* (not so) Lazy Saturday...

All right, so today was anything BUT lazy. At 5:50 am sharp, my new puppy woke me up by biting my nose. She wanted off the bed, NOW. So I put some clothes on and took her outside, where she ran around, then climbed back into my lap. I took her inside, and she promptly pees on my floor. I take her back outside, where she decides she'd better go, and does her business. I come back inside to lay down, while little miss bundle of energy hops around the room for about an hour before I calm her down enough to go back to sleep. I get a very rude awakening at ten, when one of my cats decides to jump up onto the bed, only to find my puppy sleeping. I hear a very inhuman screach and lots of clattering and i sit up to find the puppy looking like "What? What did I do?"

Grandma decides we need to go see Mike, so we're out the door before I can even grab a bite to eat. When we get there, everyone goes "AWWW" and wants to hold the puppy, whom we leave at Badgerland (where Mike is currently staying) while we all tromp off to the library. We grab a bite at Burger King (where we are swamped by hornets, at which point I am chased around the car by three) and then spend an hour looking for the Chippewa Public Library. We passed the darn thing FIVE TIMES! Mike and I grab some books, and we go off to Shopko with a quick detour into Walmart. Then, realizing we had gone over our hour, race back to Badgerland. Grandma wants to visit, so I decide to go over to see my friend David. Who is in jail. I get in there, wait, get put into a small ass room, wait, get my purse taken away, wait some more, before finally getting to talk to David over a TINY screen for five minutes. I spent two and a half hours and they cut me short because there was a 'security breech'. One of the other visiter's kids got into something it wasnt supposed to.

When we get into the car, the puppy wouldn't stop whining so I'm pushing 80 all the way home to find that she just wanted a drink of water. *sigh* I clean my room while she's messing around, fighing her new collar, and chewing up my teddy bear.

Yeah, my day was a mess of confusion. But this is a typical weekend. Tomorrow, hopefully, will be quieter. Though I bet anything that ten to six the dog will be waking me up to do the same thing.

I'm planning on crocheting some baskets to 'raffle' off to make some extra money. We have none. They took away mike's check ( $900) and mine ($600) and grandma's kindship ($400). Before that we barely made ends meet. Right now we are living off of $900 a month. Which covers half of the bills. Hopefully, stupid SSI will be getting my checks back to me sometime this month (which is like holding your breath for a full fifteen minutes straight, aka not gonna happen) . I'm planning on making a 'bath' basket, a 'girly' basket, and a 'manly' basket, along with trying to sell some of my original creations. I'm also going to be getting rid of some of my yarn stash, though how much is still in the thinking process. So if anyone has any ideas on what to add, let me know.

Better Pix of Puppy

Better pictures of my puppy as requested by Sally! I'm not sure what I'm going to call her, my brother wants me to call her Pixie, but i'm not sure. Here sh'es playing with a cat toy that she decided is the enimy. Attack!

PUPPY

I GOTS A PUPPEH!! She's part Chiwowa (i know I didnt spell that right but right now i dont care) and part shitzu and part teacup poodle. you moslty see the shitzu and the chiwowa but i dont care she's uber cute and sweet. I'm thinking I'm gonna call her Pixie. Just had to make a quick post before bed. Night!

Blog Hop Tuesday

All right, so for awhile I have been following a wounderful lady's blog, and she does all kinds of posts about different things. One that I have been thinking about joining, is Blog Hop Tuesday. This week's theme is art, so this is the Lucky Cat that I made last year in art class. I hope I'm doing this right!

My Owliver Fuse!

Awhile back, one of the blogs I follow posted this pattern for a Sansa Fuze case. I immediately went looking for my fuze, thinking that I'd make the pattern right away. Well, I must have put it in a pretty good place because I never found it, but I did get a new one from Shopko. As soon as I got home, I immediately picked up my crochet hook and set to work. And this is what came out of it! I used Red Heart Super saver for the whole thing, and spare buttons for the eyes and closure on the back. Thanks for looking!

Oh, and by the way, in case the link above does not work ( I dont know my computer is pretty dumb) the blotg is called the Suburban Hooker, by a wonderfully funny woman named Sally.

Right now I'm just kind of waiting for my sleeping pills to kick in so I thought I'd write a post. This week was a mess. I hate school, I dont even know why I tried to go back. I mean who am I kidding? I'll never pass. And forget dating. I still miss Jake, even though he's probably forgotten about me. I dont see him online even, and he always used to be online. I was thinking about sending him an email, but what would I say? I miss you? Of course I do. I miss being able to talk to him at the end of my day, I miss laughing with him, I miss hearing him say 'I love you', even though I'm not sure he ment it twards the end. Dont get me wrong, I know he ment it, sometimes. Its just so hard, I dont know what to do. I feel like I'm falling appart slowly right now and I dont know how to stop it. I've tried everything to forget about it, joined IMVU, I do all my homework like IMMEDIATELY and still I have free time. I got so much more to do on Odesey, but I dont want to work on that all the time. Well, maybe I should. I dont know.

I even lost the MP3 player that he gave me. It was sitting on my desk and now it's gone. I dont know where it went, I tore everything appart. Im going to look again, because I plan on sending it back. If i dont find it tomorrow, then I guess I'll have to send him an e-mail. And get a new one, because I NEED one for when I have my dentist appointment and now that they're allowed in school I want to take it with me. I dont know. I just feel so lost. *sigh*

Well, I did some cleaning today and guess what, the shower is supposed to be WHITE!! We went and got some scrubbing bubbles from Walmart and man it really worked. After lots of scrubbing, lots of working, and lots of the stuff, I can see tile! It was pretty bad. But I got it clean, plus I mowed the back half of the yard. We also went to see Mike, and he's doing pretty good. Doesnt like the food, but what place has good food besides home? He also had a coupple of my cigarettes, (yes I'm smoking again, more than I ever did) and we went to walmart. I also got a digital camera, though fourgot to take a memory card as well. So now tomorrow I have to make a run to somewhere to get one so that I can have a digital camera.

I'm also in a crocheting mood, but I dont know what to make. Everything just seems like its either too much work or something. I dont know. I just want to do SOMETHING but nothing seems to quell the need. I dont know. Maybe I need to just go to sleep and go to school tomorrow.

Whats Wrong With ME?

Why cant I be pretty? I look at all these anime girls, like the one above, and I find myself thinking that. I watch these success stories- like the ones on TLC and such. And I watch these commercials like the Ali and the Hydroxi Cut and such. I have tried things, prescription and non prescription, and nothing seems to work. At the beginning of every school year for the past 5 years I have been inspired to join the local gym, Thorp Fitness, and I end up not going. Thats money wasted. I'm watching this show about a guy named Chris Powell who lost over 400 pounds the natural way. His personal trainer is now his best friend, and they run the website Reshape the Nation. I want to join, but then I think that wait, I'll have to pay for it.

Watching these shows always does one of two things: makes me want to eat myself to death or motivates me to exorcise. Today its doing a bit of both. I want a clean house, I want a healthy body, I want to be...normal. My younger brother often asked my grandmother why he couldnt be normal. Now I wounder the same thing.

I Wish That Boy Would Stay Out of My HEAD!

All right. I broke my own rules yesterday and talked to him. I had promised myself NOT to because I didnt want to be hurt. It went all right, no painful feelings, and I told him that I wanted to pay for the Computer. We agreed on a price and left it at that. Simple right? Well last night I was having a flying dream, I just wanted to get away so I was flying. All of a sudden I crash landed in this place, right through the ceiling. I landed in frount of a door, so I went in. There was Jake sitting on the bed with a picture of me in his hand. He looked up and said, "I was woundering when you'd show up." He put my picture face down in a drawer and looked up at me. He said, " I dont want you to pay for those things. I gave them to you for a reason, and I want you to keep them." I told him I wasnt looking for cherity, and it was different when we were dating. He said " I still want you to just take them. I gave them to you because you didnt have anything. The computer especially." We talked for awhile more, and ended up fighting. I mean I screamed at him, 'Why are you doing this?! I just want to be left alone!' And he screamed back, "Because I still love you!" I remember I spread my wings and whispered, "Don't." before flying out of there. I woke up with a sore throat and I was crying.

I dont know if that was a purpousful dream or not, but I have a feeling it was. I'm going to have to switch up CDs or something so that he cant follow my sleep patterns, even on accident. I cant deal with even dreaming about him right now. He hurt me way to badly. I cant deal with it! Well, I can because I obviously am, but still. Why cant he just stay out of my dreams? Stay away? Thats what he wanted, to be away from me. Otherwise he would have accepted my offer.

Life update

God damn it. He did it again. He broke my fucking heart. Damn him. This time, I didnt even see it comming. It just sort of happened. I was talking to him, and I said that if he ever wanted to date others he could. You know girls say those things, knowing the guy will take them up on it, but not immediately. Its like a code of conduct. But no, he didnt read the rule book. He took me up on it that second. I had to think and get over the shock, and gave him an offer. A damn good one at that. I said he could date but if he wanted to have sex we're done. And thats a pretty good deal concidering you know? Well, he didnt like it, so I said take the offer or dump me. Guess what he did? Fucking ass hole.

I dont think I'm going to date for another three years. At least. Because this just sucks. And if I DO date, it'll be girls. Because they wont do this..

Mike got taken away a few days ago. We had court on guess what? First day of school. And the judge declared my grandmother UNWORTHY of taking care of him. Mike, for the most part, wasnt takeing care of himself. He woudlnt take his blood sugar, wouldnt take his meds, would only eat under the cover of darkness, and GRANDMA is unworthy? The boy needs a good swift kick in the gonads if you ask me. But I know its the best that he's in foster care. Eventually he'll be able to come home but for now it takes a lot of stress off grandma and me. Now I can focus on school- and actually pass this time.

Yeah, I'm in school. Getting called a retard for going back but I'm there. I need three credits to graduate so hopefully I'll get them. They have to re-figure out Odyssey because it doesn't work right now, which doesn't surprise me. Mrs. Hein *Goddess I hate that woman* had a baby *poor little girl* so she's out right now. So I basically sit there for two hours twiddling my thumbs. Which is ok, for the most part, I get a lot of reading done. But I dont want to think and those two hours gives me time to think. I just want to work. I know I wont have the same attitude in a few months but right nwo I just want to work.