Lonley Day

Today was a very lonely day for me. I now realize that I'm never going to have Jake as a boyfriend again, and it really stinks, due to the fact that I care about him so much. I've tried flirting with other people, but I guess my flirt o matic is broken. I even signed back up to some of my old chat sites, but no one seems to want to talk. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering the fact that its been so long since I've tried finding someone. Right now I just want someone to talk to, laugh with, hang with. Is that so much to ask? And school is such a pain. It takes all my energy every day not to smack some of these kids, and when I get home I'm exhausted. I slept from two thirty to six today, and of course my body is telling me I'm no longer tired, but I am. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of trying to be normal, tired of trying to fit in. Tired of trying to get everything straight, and tired of being me. I know this sounds stupid. But I just want to be a normal 18 year old girl, who's supposed to be in college and having fun and making new friends. I want to be skinny, popular, and liked. I want to have a mom and a dad that actually care, that want to help me. People don't know how lucky they are. I hear complaints every day about how their parents are so evil. At least they have parents! I have grandma. I love her dearly, but she does not get what i'm going through. I miss my mom, and I want a dad. Or at least my brother to actually understand, to call, to want to be part of my life. It seems like when he graduated from high school he just left, out of our lives. I used to be so close with him and mike, but now they're people I dont even understand. I just want to fit in somewhere.