Missing You

Missing You

Have you ever bothered to realize

How much you mean to me

I care so much for you inside

And miss you so deeply.

My mind is always curious

About the way things might have been.

As days go by, time goes by,

I look back once again.

All the time I held you in my arms,

I had the whole world right there.

There you were, comforting me

With all of your charms.

Every little kiss from you

Was like a dream come true.

This love that I have

Inside my heart

It all belonged to you!

Its funny, all those little things

I never thought I’d miss

Like all those conversations we had

Or the first time we kissed.

I guess that’s what I’m trying to say

Is that I miss you

And love you

More and more each day

It hurts me not to see you

Or know if you’re ok.

I want you to understand

That I loved you from the start

And I want you to know

No matter how many miles we are apart,

You’ll always hold

A special place

Inside my heart.

Dedicated to the love of my life, my true dragon mate, Jake Lee.

Meow

I have just finished sorta kinda cleaning my room and decided to take a break. After randomly browsing the internet and catching up on some other blogs, I’ve decided I should probably update my own.

A lot of things have happened. For one, the shock of getting back together with Jake has finally subsided. We’ve settled back into a steady routine, but I’m still trying to keep my distance so that I don’t get hurt again. I know that I love him and that he loves me, but I just cant take the pain I had gone through. If he ever, ever does something like that to me again, I’m just gonna cut him out of my life. I cant take that and I vow that I’ll stick to that promise.

College stuff is starting to come out and I’m already anxious to see if I can get the scholarships and grants I need to go to U W Stout. I still hope to follow Jake when he goes to college, and because of the fact that I need to basically retake my high school years over at a technical college so I’m sure I’ll do fine. I don’t know where he’s going to get accepted but I’ll go where he goes.

My little brother is in the hospital, due to my own intervention. It sucks because my family is pissed. But Mike really needed to go to the hospital. He was threatening his own life, my life, and our grandmother’s life. He has a lot of problems that I’m not even aware of and I hope that he gets the treatment he needs. At the very least I hope they require him to take his meds and his blood sugar so he can get that under control. He’s lost a lot of weight the past year and not in a very good way. I’m worried about him even though Jake cant see why. But Mike’s my little brother. We’ve gone through hell together and it kills me that I cant help him right now. *sigh*

I’ve gotten into crocheting and crafts as of late, and I just finished a bag in between all my other stuff. I’m going to be making Jess a baby blanket for her little baby boy Trystan. I think that’s how she’s gonna spell it….Anyway, in school I’m actally taking a class about it called Sewing. I just finished making, er sewing together, a body pillow and I’m going to be working on a watermelon pillow this week. I also have two stuffed animals, a bag, and a pair of pants I want to get done before we move on to other things. I think I should be able to get it all done because I’m pretty good at crafts.

Another thing that I’ve joined up for is NaNoWriMo. It stands for National Writers Month, I’m pretty sure. Its in November and I have to shoot out 500000 words by the end of the month. I’m not sure what I’m going to write about yet but I’m sure I’ll think of something soon. Maybe I’ll just write about my life, from start to finish. I’m sure that will take more than 200 pages if I go into detail…

Oh, my senior pictures came in. I should be getting coppies soon up on the internet, if the stupid photographer didn’t copyright them. I mean seriously, having a big RES stamped across my forehead wouldn’t be very good and I don’t have 300 plus to pay for the damn CD. Why would they even charge that much anyway? Hell if I know….now I’m just rambling. I should finish cleaning my room.

BTW, Brisinger is a cliffhanger. There’s gonna be a 4^th.

I Love Your Blog!

One of my bestest friends and sisters, Spirit, has awarded me with this great honor. Thank you, Spirit! I love you!!!

 

The rules are as follows:

1) Add the logo of the award to your blog
2) Add a link to the person who awarded it to you
3) Nominate at least 7 other blogs
4) Add links to those blogs on your blog
5) Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs!

And the blogs (or more so- the bloggers) I pick are:

Spirit: First of all, you are a WOUNDERFUL person and a SUPERB writer. I love you so much and I'm very glad to know you! You have no idea what joy you have brought to my life and how many times you have helped me.

Crystal: *grin* even though you don't even know me, I follow your blog very loyally. And you and I share a name! Well, sorta. I look up to you as a role model and I want you to know that no matter what anyone else says you are an awesome person. anyone who says any less are just losers.

Mandy: I just started following your blog and yet I feel very connected to you. You and I are very similar in a lot of the things we do and how we react to things. Our only differences is age.

Keiyou: Ah, Kei. I feel like I know you even though I've only spoken to you so few times. Spirit talks of you often and calls you sister which automatically makes you my sister as well. Plus, you are a wounderful artist. AWESOME really. ^_^

Akii: TEE HEE! You are my sister. You and I share a longer history than anyone else that we know and we've made it through thick and thin. We will always be there for eachother. Even though sometimes it doesnt seem like it.

Saria: Again, the sister that fate forgot to give me. I love you girl, and I already love baby Triston even though he's currently beating you from the inside out. I'll be here for you whenever you need me, you know that full well.

Jo: Even though we havnt spoken in AGES, I still concider you one of my close writing buddies and a friend. I love your blog, your layout, and even your mysterious ways on facebook XD

 

Note: Real blog entry coming, I PROMISE!!!

Euphoria?

So a few hours ago I decided that I'm going to try my hand at some meditation. Specifically, aura clensing. I want to try to do things the RIGHT way, so in order for me to do anything else I have to clense my aura. Either something went really really good or really really bad because i fell into a tranceish like sleep and i just woke up from it. And I think something's wrong with Jake. AGAIN. That boy can so not stay out of troubble...*sigh* if I lose him right after I got him back, I dont know what the hell I'll do. That is deffinately too much for my broken heart.

I've gotta be dreaming...

All right, so last night I told Jake about what some of what happened with Terry. He got all upset, said he didnt believe me and went to dinner. When he came back I had just sent him a message saying I was going to take a shower, so he told me I should. I took my shower and came back for Spirit to message me and be like "you must stay calm, he's in a very delicate position." My mind's going :O SAY WHAT?!

After his mind blowing experience, what ever the heck that was, he wanted to call me. I let him, and we talked for awhile. Finally he said, "Nicole, Will you take me back?" my heart stopped. I mean seriously, stopped for like a second. And then he started rambling about something or other. I'm still at the Will you take me back thing. I have to be dreaming....

All right, first things first, in my previous post i typed 'shittles' instead of 'shitless'. That should attest to how scared I actually was. But the danger has, thankfully, passed with me still here all but a little worse for wear.

Second, I'm approching 100 posts soon. Wow. I never thought that I would be writing that much. But I am nowhere near where my friend Spirit is, with her 200-odd posts and random stories. It just means that I have a competition at hand :D

Third, a post will be comming soon. This is just basically a filler post because i have nothing better to do at the moment and am prolonging the inevitable shower. *sigh* i hate being cold and wet it makes me feel like a helpless kitten :(

i'm scared shittles. today was pumpkin fest, a thing that almost every town does, and i saw terry. my ex. my frist ex. the one who raped me. i'm scared. he kept following me and i called out to jake and he didnt answer me. im on my own now. i'm scared.

something is wrong. i can feel it in my heart. something is really, terribly wrong. i think its jake.

General

Well, many things have happened since my last entry. My mouth is much better and I can finally eat solids again *munches on chips* I saw Gadabo, and he gave me a note so that I can get a cheeper price for the local gym. I intend to work out and lose about fifty pounds, and I may as well get off my ass and start doing something. Timbers called me back today, so I'm not totally sure if I got the job or not, concidering the fact I was not home at the time. I wont know until tomorow probably, or maybe even Monday as Pumpkin Fest is on Saturday.

While I was with Gadabo, I mentioned that Mike has been acting up a lot even more so than usual. I desccribed a series of events, Including the incident where he thretaned my life, and Gadabo said that it would be best if Mike were hospitalized. The only problem is, Grandma doesnt want him gone. He would have to stay AT LEAST until December, and i dont think she realizes the severity of his problem. I also talked to Deb, my counceler about it and she agreed. We may have to bypass grandma. It is not something that any one of us wants to do, but may have to happen in order for Mike to get better. When he does leave, and I seriously think it will happen, then I think that I will sage and stone the house. In other words, bless it and clense it. It may help in his healing.

I have also begun to take pictures for the Yearbook. As I do not have pictures from prom, and that was the only thing she has graded us on, I am technically failng in the class. But fear not, because I figure that I will be able to bring my grade up pretty quick.

Umm....what else....oh! I started reading Brisinger, which is why I havnt written in awhile. I dont think that anyone really reads my blog anyway, but meh. Who cares right? Anyway, brisinger is a very good book. I cant wait to see what happens to Eragon.