Dissapointment

I showed my boyfriend a picture of what i really look like. As expected, his first impression was "OMG She's FAT!!!" I knew he'd react that way. I could always tell that he thought of me as one of...those. You know what I mean when I say that. One of those little skinny girls that have like no butt and only eat cotton balls dipped in sugar? Okay well maybe not that bad but his mental image sure wasn't what he got. And the sad thing is, I knew he'd react that way. I just had a gut feeling that he wouldn't react well. Oh sure he tried to put on a tough face, but I knew. I knew inside he was regretting he ever started dating me.

Later on we talked about it on the phone and he really said it didn't matter, but I'm still worried. Of course I'm gonna worry. I mean, I know he loves me. And I love him. I just....worry. I'm scared that he's not being truthful. That he's just saying that to make me feel better and then later dump my ass because I'm ugly.

In other news, I was in the hospital on Sunday. Basically what happened was the night before my younger brother, Michael, threw a computer party. So everyone in the house was up until like 7 or 8 am. Naturally, everyone was cranky. But we needed groceries. So grandma and I went to the store, picked up a bunch of shit, and came home. We had like 7 six packs of soda and two 12 packs. I went inside to get the boys to help with the groceries. Mike, of course, refused to help. Long story short, I went a little....psycho. I took a knife to his door. He called the cops. The cops were evil, because at that point I was hyperventilating! The local cop wasn't so bad because he knew the situation. But the county cop was such a dick. I wish I could do something about people like him.

Judge me, shun me, do what you want with me, but these things happen. I can't help them any more than you can. I have a lot of serious issues and I was not taking care of myself properly. Now I'm on the right track so things should get better. We'll see.