Blarg: Episode 3

All right, my last post was just me venting. There are probably going to be many, many, MANY more where that came from, but oh well. I dont want to rant right now. I just want to write. I know that sounds really wierd, but oh well, its what i want to do so :P

I miss him, a lot. And I love him so much. But I know that he needed to do this. I knw that he needed to figure out what we had and if it was real. It hurts, knowing that, but at least he told the truth. And at least he still loves me. I think. I hope. I told him that I'd be unavailable for the next 2 weeks, or until he made his FINAL decision. I dont want to have to sit around and wait for him. I need to move on and get on with my life. I'm redoing my entire room, cleaning, looking for my new phone charger, but that's different. I'm smoking my second to the last cigarette, and organizing all my things. I do this when I'm upset, nervous, pissed or scared. Right now I'm all of the above.

I had court today. They didnt even help me. All it was was me pleading not guilty and then walking out. I just want this to be over with. Thank God they didnt tell me I couldnt leave the state. But I was just so scared. I had just hoped so much to get this over with but i guess fate doesnt want me to move on. She wants me to suffer.